TED SETS HIS COMPUTER ON FIRE

I was working on my computer adding some memory. I took one of my old memory cards out and then put it back in. I must have put it back in incorrectly because when I started the computer up again I heard a whirrrrr and a clacckkkkkkkk and then smelled the overpowering stench of burning knowlege and pornography. I quickly yanked the cord out of the back of OL' smoky and surveyed the stinking damage. There wasn't too much, just a burning and melting memory port.
As I sit here on my toilet writing this on a blackberry, I think of all the wonderful hours I completely wasted on my computer and how I miss neglecting my kids so I can peruse naked women and learn odd facts from cracked.com.
I may buy a new computer this weekend or maybe I'll just stay off the grid and live life the way we used to before all of this intrusive technology. Maybe I'll go back to living a simpler existence away from the over bearing and constant noise of cyber space. Maybe I'll just go back to doing what I used to do before the computer. Maybe I'll just think about the chicks I know and jerk off to them.

McCAIN PICKS PALIN... I'D FUCK HER

So after Barak raped McCain's old face last night live in front of 80,000 people and on national tv, John McCain throws the long ball and it lands in the Governor of Alaska's lap. I know people will make fun of her for being a nobody with almost no experience but so Is Barak. But Barak built the team that defeated the Clintons and has built a campaign that has mobilized millions of voters. Barak can stand in front of 80,000 people and not only not shit his pants but inspire people and speak with amazing strength, This chick was a Ms. Alaska runner up and has 5 kids. OK, I feel safe now with her ability to run the country. She's involved right now in a little Alaska scandal. Seems her ex-brother in law is a state trooper. She wanted him fired after he dumped her sister. The director of Alaska public safety wouldn't fire him so she had the public safety director fired. Good pick McCain. I don't know how this will play, anything can happen but this seems like a pretty desperate gamble to get the woman's vote and to rally the republican base. Don't know if smiley Mctitsy is gonna get it done. Now redneck men can choose between a black dude or a woman. Their heads are gonna explode.

SEXY SEXY PYGMIES FOUND HERE! LET THE STROKE SESSION BEGIN!